Survivor: South Pacific Episode 1 Review

We're a day late, but what can you do?

As everyone knows, Ozzy and Coach are the returning players this year. My wife put it best when she said, "I don't remember Ozzy at all." Personally, I think they're both seeking redemption from bad hair cuts.

Ozzy was warmly welcomed by his team, whereas Coach got more of a cold shoulder. But Coach quickly rallied an alliance of five together, while Ozzy hung out with his team like it was a giant frat party and told them they should all go swimming instead of, you know, building a shelter and stuff.

Coach's team featured Russell Hantz's Nephew, whose legal name, judging from the number of times he said it, may actually be "Russell Hantz's Nephew." Russell Hantz's Nephew was very careful to keep his identity secret, lest he be targetted for being Russell Hantz's Nephew. Russell Hantz's Nephew also had to keep his shirt on at all times due to his tattoos that proclaimed he's Russell Hantz's Nephew. I was waiting for him to walk around to his teammates and introduce himself saying, "I'm Russell Hantz's Nephew. Please don't tell anyone I'm Russell Hantz's Nephew."

Team Ozzy was the first team to head to Tribal Council, where the vote came down to a choice between Semhar, a "spoken word artist" (read: poet) and "Cochran" (read: John), a gigantic Survivor fan and complete geek who is also a Harvard trained lawyer (paging David Otunga. David Otunga, please pick up the red courtesy phone). Cochran may be the most endearingly annoying guy to ever play the game.

Despite a lot of the tribe telling Semhar they were voting - WAIT A SEC! They have a lawyer named John Cochran!? JOHNNY COHRAN!? BUT HE'S DEAD! Oh, wait, wrong guy. - Anyway, they told Semhar they were voting for Survivor Geek, but instead they all voted for her, and she was sent to Redemption Island. Poetic justice. (Groan.)

Next week: Cochran becomes a working machine around camp. And Coach starts to suspect that Russell Hantz's Nephew is Russell Hantz's Nephew.


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