Survivor Philippines Episode 1 Spoiler Review

In case anyone hasn't figured it out by now, spoilers ahoy! If you don't want to know who is getting voted off tonight, stop reading now.

So it's the new season of Survivor. The hook this time: 3 tribes and 3 returning Survivors, only two of whom I actually remember. There's "Not The Famous and Crazy" Russell, Jonathan, who I sorta remember but not really, and Michael, the guy who fell into the fire and whom I do remember. Plus there's some famous people, including a baseball player I've not heard of, and Blair from Facts of Life (Lisa) who is going to try to keep her celebrity secret. Good luck with that.

Also new this season is the tribes have their own color coded bags. And Michael recognized Lisa immediately as a celebrity. So, yeah, that didn't last long.

As the teams were loading their rafts for shore, Jeff, the baseball player, thought he popped his knee or tore his ACL and is already concerned he's a lame duck in the game.

Not Famous Russell told his tribe he wasn't going to take the leadership role this time and then said they were all a team and then directed them on how to do stuff. Irony. Even the rest of the tribe figured out that the key was to do what Russell wanted to do and then get rid of him. Russell's team actually managed to start a fire quickly by rubbing 2 sticks together, which may be a Survivor first.

Meanwhile, at Tribe Jonathan, Jeff was trying to hide his obvious knee pain while carrying heavy things. And while Jonathan was out swimming, his tribe was plotting to get rid of him. I'm starting to sense a pattern here.

And over at Tribe Michael, RC lied about being an investment banker, telling people she's an executive assistant. She quickly bonded with Abi-Maria, and decided that Lisa was going to be on the outside of the alliance. They pulled in Michael and Peter.

Over at Jonathan's tribe, Dawson knew that Jeff was a former baseball player and wasn't buying his story of being a motocross rider. At Michael's tribe, Lisa found herself on the outside without realizing it, and Michael couldn't understand why she wasn't playing up her fame. Privately, he asked her about it and she wanted him to keep it quiet.

At Not Famous Russell's tribe, Zane bonded with the sex therapist (get your head out of the gutter. Not that way!) And then Zane literally formed an alliance with everyone in his tribe. Well, that's gonna be fun.

On Day 2, Michael managed to cut his foot, his head and his hand. Don't let this guy near the fire again.

Jonathan found the clue to the hidden immunity idol in their jar of rice, but couldn't find the idol itself. Russell also found his clue in the rice. Zane saw Russell looking at his clue, and figured he may already have found the idol.

Because there are 3 tribes, the first 2 tribes win immunity idols. The first tribe also gets a big fire making kit and the second tribe gets flint. Russell ensured he wasn't being the leader by setting all his tribe's strategy and telling everyone what to do.

The challenge involved running, rowing, diving, and puzzles. Jonathan's team came in first, Michael's team was second, and Russell's brilliant non-leadership resulted in non-winning and off to tribal council.

Except ... back at the tribe, Zane thew himself under the bus in some kind of ruse to protect himself. He called it playing chess. I've never seen a chess player nuke his own king as some brilliant strategy but I suck at chess, so maybe Zane's gambit will work considering the rest of the tribe already hates Russell. Suddenly, everyone was going to Zane and talking about a blindside of Russell. Hmmm ... maybe I need to start playing chess again.

Except ... Zane then started telling his tribe that Russell has the immunity idol. Which had the tribe back looking at Zane again. Maybe I'll stick to Angry Birds and stay away from chess.

At Tribal Council, they all piled on Russell, who admitted he went into Dictator Mode and that it was a huge mistake.

In the end, Zane turned out to be as terrible at chess as I am, and he was voted out.

Next week: Jonathan goes hunting for the idol. And Lisa realizes she's on the outside of her tribe.